XCOM's janitor (toilet scrubber) backstory
by Us555
Summary: So about three people expressed interest in how I became XCOM's janitor, this fic goes out to you three people who wanted it (Also if anyone else wants to read it they can. If you do tell me if you like it!)


XCOM Toilet Scrubber Back Story

Have you ever wondered how XCOM's toilet scrubber became XCOM's toilet scrubber? No? Good because you really should be doing better things with your time, but for the few who don't have better things to do with their time here's the backstory for him. (notice: this is written mostly for beaglerush's twitch chat and anyone not in it may not get the story or characters)

"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" A late night janitor whispered as he cowered behind a desk. As he sat there he idly wondered how he got here. It started as a simple enough day. He woke up at 10pm for his night shift, put on his blue jumpsuit, and collected his keys. It was crunch time at the office where he worked and there were still a lot of employees when he entered to start cleaning. Apparently many of them still had to finish their quarterly reports or other miscellaneous projects. He didn't really know and he didn't really care; he wasn't getting paid to find out what each employee was working on and as long as they didn't hinder his own work he didn't care. But all that changed when those "things" broke through the ceiling. At first he had no idea what was going on, one moment he was heading back to the broom closet having just finished cleaning the bathrooms and was on his way to take care of the break room after resupplying when all of a sudden explosions echoed throughout the building followed by screams. The force of the explosions knocked him off his feet and he went down falling into the closet and getting a mop bucket on top of his head. By the time he untangled himself from all the supplies that fell on him the screams had stopped and a deathly stillness descended on the building.

The next five minutes were hectic as office security teams rushed in heading toward where the last screams were heard a few stopped to ask him if he had seen anything but all he could say was he heard some explosions and screams. As the few night guards on duty rushed past him he was shocked to hear screams and gunshots which he quickly took as his cue to leave. He quickly started to run towards the emergency exit but was cut off by three grey… _things_. As he was quickly turning to run down an adjacent hallway leading away from them they noticed him, and quickly gave chase. He shot through the hallway and turned down another one faster than he thought humanly possible. Turning around he was pleasantly surprised to find that he had shaken off the pursuers; using that as a chance to hide he dove into a manager's office and hid behind the desk. By that time the sounds of gunfire had ceased and with no other sounds present he realized he might be the only one in the building left still alive, well the only human anyway. Still he wasn't going to find out by calling into the building no siree he had seen far too many horror films to make the mistake of calling out into the night when killers were on the loose.

He was snapped out of his thoughts though when he heard a noise coming closer to him. He realized at this moment that at some point, probably when he was thrown into the broom closet, that he had picked up a broom and was still holding onto it. He quickly tightened his grasp on it and prepared to defend himself if the intruders came in. The noise, which was a low pitched humming, was coming closer. He quietly moved to the edge of the door and waited, one second, two seconds, three seconds, four seconds, he continued to count the seconds as he stood still; his heart beating so fast he thought it a marvel that the intruders didn't find him based on the sound alone. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw them. It was a pack of three… things, but they were different from the greys that he saw earlier. These were robotic in nature and hovered above the ground. He continued to wait as they passed by and decided that now would be a good time to think of escaping. Betting on the fact that since the grey creatures weren't with the robots when he ran into them he figured they weren't behind them and left the room traveling in the opposite direction of the robots. Running as fast as he thought he could without alerting the robots he had to decide on where to go next. He slowed down and thought about where to go. He could try to go for the emergency exit that he tried to get to at first before encountering the greys, and since they chased him off they probably weren't in the same place… Failing to think of a better plan he began to head back.

It was at this point that he heard a loud roaring sound of jet engines that passed by overhead before hearing a loud SMACK of a giant craft hitting the pavement outside. The engines quieted down as they switched to idle. Since the aliens seemed to have dropped from the sky with the pods he guessed that the craft that landed was probably military instead of alien. Well it took them long enough, he only hoped that these guys were capable of fighting them off. If not… well he tried not to think about that. Still this changed his plan rather than just trying to escape he would try to hook up with the military at least if he ran into aliens near them they might be able to help, but if he ran into aliens on his own he'd probably suffer the same fate as the rest of his co-workers. Having made up his mind he turned around and started to move towards the sound of the engines. As he advanced the sharp sound of gunfire ripped through the stillness of the building, he began to increase his pace before rounding a corner and seeing, through a distant widow wall a craft at the edge of the parking lot. Throwing caution to the wind he began to dash towards the craft "HEY, HEY, THERE'S SOMEONE STILL ALIVE HERE! DON'T SHOOT! DON'T SHOOT!" he yelled as he increased his speed prepping to break through the window to get to the craft as quick as possible. He was close, so close to freedom, with his gaze focused on the craft he didn't see the pack of sectoids that had moved into his path until he was bowled over and sprawled on the ground having tripped on one of them. The sectoids, having left to investigate the sound, were surprised to see a huge form crash into them leaving them splayed on the ground dazed. The janitor was the first one to recover. Looking back and seeing three greys, one of which was starting to get up, he had to think fast. Grabbing his broom he whacked the sectoid in the head, stunning it. With that he threw himself against the window with all his might, after his third attempt he succeeded and broke through the glass. He started to take off leaving behind the sectoids and his broom. He was only twenty feet from the Skyranger when the sectoids recovered. "GET DOWN!" a voice yelled, the janitor immediately obeyed and dropped like a sack of bricks. Just in time too as the second he dropped a barrage of plasma shot over his head, it seemed the sectoids were more than a little mad at the janitor's actions. Gunfire broke the night again and the screams of dying sectoids were heard followed by the guns going quiet.

The janitor waited face down on the pavement as the sound of boots got closer. "Well, well, well lookie at what we got here" a voice called out, "survivor eh," another voice to the left side said "janitor from the looks of it, sooo… what's your story?" The janitor continued to face the pavement as he recounted his story "Look I really don't know anything else besides what I told you okay?" "Hmmm" one of the soldiers muttered "Well I believe you, or rather I believe that you will divulge no more useful information. Which leads me to the question, what are we going to do with you?" "Uhhh… let… me go?" the janitor replied turning around to look at the trooper speaking to him. The soldier was bulky, wielding an assault rifle, and dressed in a Kevlar vest. The janitor couldn't see the troopers face as it was behind a helmet, but he could hear his laughter. "Let you go?" the trooper responded "You just were caught in an alien abduction, and had to be rescued by top secret military personnel in a highly classified operation. Do you think that after this we are just going to let you go?" "Well what are you going to do?" the janitor inquired. "What do you think?" the trooper said his assault rifle beginning to point in his direction "but-but… I… I…I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" and the poor janitor broke down on the pavement crying and blubbering. "Jeez! Awo lay off the poor guy!" another soldier cut in "What Soylent? I was just having a bit of fun with the guy." The soldier called Awo said "Seriously that poor fool has been through hell; he doesn't need your taunting to make it worse." The soldier called Soylent said. He walked to the janitor still crying and helped him up. "Here come on get up." Soylent began, "Yeah that's it, come on let's go back to base we'll find out what to do with you there." And like that they all headed back to the Skyranger.

The journey back to the base was a quiet one with the janitor staying silent the whole way. When they finally arrived the janitor was debriefed and given an ultimatum A. To return to his former job and, under threat of being blacklisted and stripped of all of his assets, stay silent about all that happened, or B. To join the XCOM project as their chief janitor. It wasn't even a choice, especially when he heard that through a technical oversight they didn't actually hire a janitor and all base personnel were taking turns cleaning. Thus the XCOM toilet scrubber came to be. Sure it wasn't that glamorous of a job or the most appreciated or even recognized, but it was an important one nonetheless. And as all good janitors know 'a janitors job is like a car muffler, the only time people notice it are when it stops working' so he was content to work there for a while at least.

Right! So that was the story of XCOM's toilet scrubber. If you're reading this then that means that you somehow managed to make it to the end of my fic, so I congratulate you! On a different note I always struggled with grammar so constructive criticism is appreciated. Really that's about it so until next time provided there IS a next time this is XCOM_toilet_scrubber/ us555 signing off.


End file.
